A Case of the Kleshas

Mark 6:14-29    

King Herod heard of Jesus and his disciples, for Jesus’ name had become known. Some were saying, “John the baptizer has been raised from the dead; and for this reason these powers are at work in him.” But others said, “It is Elijah.” And others said, “It is a prophet, like one of the prophets of old.” But when Herod heard of it, he said, “John, whom I beheaded, has been raised.”

For Herod himself had sent men who arrested John, bound him, and put him in prison on account of Herodias, his brother Philip’s wife, because Herod had married her. For John had been telling Herod, “It is not lawful for you to have your brother’s wife.” And Herodias had a grudge against him, and wanted to kill him. But she could not, for Herod feared John, knowing that he was a righteous and holy man, and he protected him. When he heard him, he was greatly perplexed; and yet he liked to listen to him. But an opportunity came when Herod on his birthday gave a banquet for his courtiers and officers and for the leaders of Galilee. When his daughter Herodias came in and danced, she pleased Herod and his guests; and the king said to the girl, “Ask me for whatever you wish, and I will give it.” And he solemnly swore to her, “Whatever you ask me, I will give you, even half of my kingdom.” She went out and said to her mother, “What should I ask for?” She replied, “The head of John the baptizer.” Immediately she rushed back to the king and requested, “I want you to give me at once the head of John the Baptist on a platter.” The king was deeply grieved; yet out of regard for his oaths and for the guests, he did not want to refuse her. Immediately the king sent a soldier of the guard with orders to bring John’s head. He went and beheaded him in the prison, brought his head on a platter, and gave it to the girl. Then the girl gave it to her mother. When his disciples heard about it, they came and took his body, and laid it in a tomb.

Herod had a case of the Afflictions/ Kleshas:

·      -  Herod Feared John (Dvesa)

·       - Protected John (Raga)

·        -Was perplexed by John but liked his words (Avidya)

·        -Herod was attached to his daughter and his status in the country (Asmita)

·        -Herod was grieved over the prospect of killing John (Abhinivesah)

From Wikipedia the Hindu Afflictions (Kleshas) are:

·        - Ignorance (in the form of a misapprehension about reality) (ávidyā),

·        - Egoism (in the form of an erroneous identification of the Self with the intellect) (asmitā),

·        - Attachment (rāga),

·        - Aversion (dveṣa), and

·        - Fear of death (which is derived from clinging ignorantly to life) (abhiniveśāḥ).

The Afflictions are always there trying to hold influence over us.  But, if it is possible, we can find ways to cope.  Herod tried to cope at first by not killing John.  His response in this moment was exactly that a “response,” not an abrupt unthinking “reaction.” Unlike his wife who reacts without thinking about the consequences. She allows anger to win. The idea of learning to respond instead of reacting is summed up nicely in this linked video, I listen to this when I start to feel reactive, this is how I cope.

Herod is traumatized, one could even say the demand or manipulation by his wife left Herod in a state of PTSD. Many people suffer from PTSD, I myself do.  One of the greatest challenges in life is recovering from PTSD if it happens to you.  For Herod, his recovery was aided by the idea of magical thinking. His magical idea that Jesus was John raised from the dead somehow allowed his horrible shame to diminish.  This could have been born in ignorance (avidya), but the idea that John was still alive in Jesus released him from any blame. This helps him cope, true or not. Like Herod many suffer shame in their PTSD journey. From one of Brene Brown’s TED Talks, “Shame drives two big tapes -- "never good enough" -- and, if you can talk it out of that one, "who do you think you are?" The thing to understand about shame is, it's not guilt. Shame is a focus on self, guilt is a focus on behavior. Shame is "I am bad." Guilt is "I did something bad." How many of you, if you did something that was hurtful to me, would be willing to say, "I'm sorry. I made a mistake?"”

But perhaps this is the way:

Forgive one another, and yourself. 

Shame is not a helpful emotion, Herod needs to forgive himself, yet he does not, and the rest sadly is history. So learn from Herod, be gentle on yourself. Respond, Stop, Think, Lead with Love, and Forgive Yourself and Others.

Namaste

 

Picture from https://www.biblicalarchaeology.org/daily/people-cultures-in-the-bible/people-in-the-bible/herod-antipas-in-the-bible-and-beyond/

 

 

 

Svādhyāya - Self Study in the New Covenant

I was asked this week why did God have to sacrifice his son to forgive us why couldn't he just forgive us?

 The partial answer is in one of this week's readings:

 Acts 3:12-19

Peter addressed the people, “You Israelites, why do you wonder at this, or why do you stare at us, as though by our own power or piety we had made him walk? The God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, the God of our ancestors has glorified his servant Jesus, whom you handed over and rejected in the presence of Pilate, though he had decided to release him. But you rejected the Holy and Righteous One and asked to have a murderer given to you, and you killed the Author of life, whom God raised from the dead. To this we are witnesses. And by faith in his name, his name itself has made this man strong, whom you see and know; and the faith that is through Jesus has given him this perfect health in the presence of all of you.

“And now, friends, I know that you acted in ignorance, as did also your rulers. In this way God fulfilled what he had foretold through all the prophets, that his Messiah would suffer. Repent therefore and turn to God so that your sins may be wiped out.”

Like many people I liken the Old Testament "ancestor " relationship and Covenant with God to the relationship of a parent to child. There are lots of rules, misbehaviors, and punishments.  As we move into the New Testament the relationship shifts to an adult relationship where the children are released, thrown out of the nest, and encouraged to fly or think for themselves and move away from "ignorance". Jesus signifies this shift. Like many parents, God too witnesses God’s children, except Jesus, making and learning from their mistakes. But, unlike a child, adult children cannot be constantly saved from their mistakes. This is hard to watch. And in today's age it comes in all forms from a simple bad grade, to choosing a different path then the parent wanted for the child, to a DUI, to drugs, to homelessness, and onward.

We all have been children. We all have different experiences of childhood, and these experiences inform our adulthood. These experiences inform how we parent. These experiences inform how we relate to our adult children, and they to us.  God chooses to be in good relationship with us. God chooses to forgive the mistakes made in adulthood and to move to a new form of relationship with us called a New Covenant.

Some would harken back to the Old Testament, or childhood, to say the events of adulthood, positive and negative, are predictable or prophesied, and if we choose not to learn from our mistakes or sin, and to do better, perhaps they are. But choosing to grow as an adult, to stop repeating bad habits, although hard, is not impossible. There are different ways to do this, but they all hold in common the idea of self-study, or Svādhyāya.  One can turn to meditation, counseling, mentors, books, exercise, etc. to improve one's adult responses to life events, knowing that even when one fails that God (and perhaps our parents) still forgives and loves us. Namaste.

 

Picture from: https://www.sandyswenson.com/addiction-quotes-mom-of-addict/11075299_10204188784820069_4522714217508113722_o/

 

 

Forgiveness as an act of Ahimsa in our Soma

Matthew 18:21-35

People Glory to you, Lord Christ. Peter came and said to Jesus, “Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.

“For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. When he began the reckoning, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him; and, as he could not pay, his lord ordered him to be sold, together with his wife and children and all his possessions, and payment to be made. So the slave fell on his knees before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the lord of that slave released him and forgave him the debt. But that same slave, as he went out, came upon one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and seizing him by the throat, he said, ‘Pay what you owe.’ Then his fellow slave fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ But he refused; then he went and threw him into prison until he would pay the debt. When his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their lord all that had taken place. Then his lord summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked slave! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not have had mercy on your fellow slave, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his lord handed him over to be tortured until he would pay his entire debt. So my heavenly Father will also do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

Words:
Ahimsa - do no harm
Samskaras - old scars
Namaste - the good in me bows and honors the good in you
Nidra – sleep
Forgiveness -
Synonyms: absolve, acquit, clear, discharge, exculpate, exempt, exonerate, free, liberate, pardon, pardon, release, set free
Antonyms: accuse, bind, charge, compel, condemn, convict, impeach, inculpate, obligate, oblige

I study tai chi and hapkido. These martial arts would seem to be opposites of each other: tai chi is a soft martial art and hapkido is a hard martial art. Yet one informs the other. Both have exposed me to various feelings in my body. Some feelings are wonderful, and some bring up memories I would prefer to forget. But can we ever forget anything? Or should we?

Many people report spontaneous events of memory or samskaras. Some people wonder if they are real. I know they are, at least for that person. This happens in yoga classes occasionally too. Suddenly someone is crying, and they don't know why. They will often talk about something completely unrelated to the class. My belief is that some movement or feeling or sensation in their body (soma) recalled a memory long buried and thought to be forgotten.

What can we do about this? In a word forgive. But as Jesus explains above it’s not always so clear cut. We find at the beginning of this gospel Jesus being asked to explain the concept of forgiveness.  His story opens with a king to which a slave owes ten thousand talents, one talent equals about one year’s salary. This amount of money is extreme, and the king orders the slave to be sold along with everything he holds dear.  But the slave asks for time and promises to repay, a near impossible feat, which the king must have recognized, but a feeling of pity overcame the king, perhaps somatically, and he chose to forgive the slave.  Later this same slave feels no pity on another man and instead “seizes the man by the throat” and, for a much less amount owed, throws the man in prison. When the king hears of this his feelings of pity turn to anger and the sensations in his body changed.  The result was a different outcome for the slave. Jesus concludes by turning the tables. We may start off thinking we are like the king, but we are indeed like the slave who chose not to forgive and as a result was not forgiven, karma some might say.  Forgiving is not easy, but it is necessary.

Why should we forgive? We should do this for ourselves, to let go. It can be difficult where a crime was involved. But for our own mental health we must forgive. If we don't forgive (and not forget) then the memory, emotion, thought, etc. goes undercover deep in our bodies to be held until something, perhaps a yoga or martial arts class, brings it all back up.

What happens to us when this memory comes back up? We go straight to fight, flight or freeze, the sympathetic nervous system (sns).  Our heartrate and respiration increase as all energy goes to the circulatory and respiratory systems. Bodily systems not needed for immediate survival go offline, notably digestion and reproduction.  Cortisol increases in the body via the HPA Axis. We go on high alert. For our own health, and once the danger has passed, we need to move into rest and digest or the Parasympathetic nervous system where we digest things, heartrate and respiration slow, and cortisol is lower. But how do we make this transition? How do we let go of these bad memories, emotions, or thoughts?

This holding of memories in the physical body is known as the “issues in the tissues,” somatically we hold on to trauma. Recognize and bring mindfulness to how our thoughts effect our body (soma). When we think of a horrific thing that happened to us, what do we notice? Perhaps our stomachs ache and feel tight, or we clinch our jaws or fists. Perhaps your head/brain tingles when you get mad. Recognize these feelings in your thoughts and body - the somatic connection, forgive them, then, perhaps bring to mind an opposite feeling or thought and begin to notice how this is reflected in your body. Breath in forgiveness or a synonym, breath out an appropriate antonym in the bible story perhaps 'bind' would be appropriate.  In yoga we refer to doing no harm as Ahimsa. Finding forgiveness is ahimsa. Yoga Nidra Meditation can be immensely helpful in forgiveness. I personally practice iRest as my yoga nidra.  This could also be done in martial arts by gathering chi (life energy), and letting chi go.

Once you develop mindfulness toward the sensations and what [memory] they represent, then you can self sooth your way back to equanimity. This is hard, and no one is perfect. Look at the rich man in the gospel reading, although he could forgive through the emotion of pity, he struggle with others not doing the same as him, which is a different issue and emotion, perhaps anger, and I would hypothesize was a different somatic feeling in his body.

Most of the above was written before attending church this Sunday. It was announced that our Associate Rector, Mother Melissa, passed way of a non-Covid cause. The soma in my body went to the other people in my life that have recently passed, and I was grief stricken, my stomach got tight, my body shook, and tears flowed uncontrollably.  I am still feeling a queasiness in my stomach.  I recognize this as grief.  And soon I will meditation on this grief trying to find its opposite. Not forgetting this moment or this gifted person but honoring her memory and steadying myself for the days to come.

“O God of grace and glory, we remember before you this day our sister Melissa. We thank you for giving her to us, her family and friends, to know and to love as a companion on our earthly pilgrimage. In your boundless compassion, console us who mourn. Give us faith to see in death the gate of eternal life, so that in quiet confidence we may continue our course on earth, until, by your call, we are reunited with those who have gone before; through Jesus Christ our Lord.”  Amen.  BCP P 493

“O Almighty God, who brings good out of evil and turns even the wrath of your children towards your promised peace: Hear our prayers this day as we remember those of many nations and differing faiths whose lives were cut short by the fierce flames of anger and hatred. Hasten the time when the menace of war shall be removed. Cleanse both us and those perceived to be our enemies of all hatred and distrust. Pour out the spirit of peace on all the rulers of our world that we may be brought through strife to the lasting peace of the kingdom of your Son; Jesus Christ, our Lord, who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.”
-Episcopal Diocese of New York Proper for September 11^th.

Namaste

Picture from https://catholicfaithpatronsaints.com/forgiveness-and-trust/